The Secret to Life by Grandpa
Make a list of 5 adjectives that pop into your head. Use these 5 words in a fictional story.
Cool, Energetic, Hydrated, Green, Promiscuous.
I once asked my Grandpa, “Grandpa, what is the most important thing in life?” He said, “Well let me tell you. I have lived for so long that I know the very secret. It’s something most people know but don’t follow. It will help you remain as energetic as a 5 year old when you are 50. It will help you get an abundance of the green paper that many seek. It will help you become a confident man with the ladies while having the clarity of thought to not becoming too promiscuous. It will help you stay cool and collected at all times no matter what life throws at you. Do you want to know this secret?” “Hell ya, Grandpa,” I said, “Lay it on me!” He said “well it’s of no use if I just tell you. You’ll be like everyone else and won’t follow the secret. Let me tell you a couple of stories. If you figure it out yourself then I will know that you are mentally ready and willing to follow the secret.” “Okay, Grandpa. Shoot,” I said.
So he began his stories:
Once, as a young lad, I got the winning raffle in my town’s homecoming festival that my high school threw. I got the chance to meet the promiscuous Hugh Hefner himself as the man who threw the raffle contest was a childhood friend of his. When I met him, I was taken aback. I thought he would be drunk and partying with models but he was quietly sitting on the sofa with two gorgeous ladies and drinking out of a water bottle. So I asked him, “Mr. Hefner, why are you not drinking booze and dancing with everyone else?” He said, and I’ll never forget this, “If you wish to gain green and remain energetic to enjoy that green, you must do what I am doing. The secret to my success is in my hands.” “Wow, that is so cool. I think I understand,” I said, but I didn’t really understand what he meant by that. “The secret to his success was in his hands,” I mumbled to myself. “Oh I get it. Everyone is capable! It’s all in our hands. Yeah that’s it. What cliched advice!” I thought to myself while I poured up another shot of whiskey slowly losing what little hydration I had left.
“Do you get it yet?” Grandpa asked. “Uh I don’t think so Grandpa. Tell me another story,” I said.
So it was around 1 AM when I was coming back from the Frat Party. There was a cool breeze. I had just split up with my friends. “Alone as always,” I thought to myself as I was going up the elevator back to my dorm. As I was walking down the hall towards my room, there was a door to another room slightly open. I didn’t really think much of it and just kept walking. But as soon as I passed the door, I heard a female voice. “Hey, I’ve been waiting for you. Come in.” I was nervous. Certainly it wasn’t me she was waiting for. So I laughed and said “That’s funny. Have a goodnight!” She exclaimed energetically “I told you to come in here! How long do you expect me to wait for you?!” Now I knew she was serious. I walked in. The room was dark. I couldn’t see anything. She said “It’s just me, climb on my bed.” I said “Are you serious? What is going on?” On one end I was having all these promiscuous thoughts and on the other I was nervous not knowing what was happening. While I was climbing up her bunk, she said “Yeah. we planned this yesterday remember? You even wore the green shirt so I would know it was you.” “Wait. I don’t think I am who you think I am,” I said. She quickly turned on the lights. “Who the hell are you?!” She looked furious. “Uh I live down the hall,” I said rather sheepishly. “Who told you to come in?! Get the hell out!” She was steaming. I said “Well technically, you did. I tried to brush it off but you insisted.” She said “Okay. Just go!” So I started walking away and she said “Wait hold on. Can you give me my water bottle on the table over there? I think I have to hydrate.”
“Do you get it now?” Grandpa asked. “Yes!” I exclaimed, “I get it now! I know the secret to life!” But I didn’t really understand all too well. I thought the old man was just rambling. His stories didn’t make any sense at all. I think he saw the confusion in my eyes so he said “Go get me a glass of water, son.” So I brought him a glass of water and he said “Drink it.” So I did and, as if enlightenment just took over me, now I discovered what he was going on about this entire time. He sensed this and said “Water is clarity son. The secret to life is hydration.”